, ♥

im suppose to be studyin chem but these thoughts keep running through my mind. i know i just have to write it off. beware. what im wrting maybe a lil too emotional. but then again, its my deepest thoughts. in nana's world...

i hope she will read this entry. because here, i want to apologize for my senseless, unthinkable move. i wasn't thinkin about her feelings wenn i suggested calling *****n. im sorry dearest. puhlease forgive me so i'll not be burdened by this guilt. altruism may not be one of my good traits. even with youu. how could i be so dumb? i was, without a doubt, a freak with no empathy for others. what he did to youu was unforgivable, and im not going to go blabbering on and on about his moronism because its a FACT. and i knoww it must be hurting youu. im just soo glad that it was youu. because you're soo strong. and more, because you're the only one who actually thinks. imagine it happening to me. i'll cause a tsunami. yet, i don't know the length of the damage.

what amazes me the most is that you never show your true emotions. but looking into your eyes, i know that it still hurts. your facade may not reflect your feeling. but your eyes reveal everything, sweetheart. because you're my best friend, and because i love youu to bits, i ache to see this. and i cringe more, knowing that i was the bullet astray that added to your pain. im sorry.

and yet, she's the one who made me think about my actions. about my reactions. as simple as saying, " cuz u sayang him ," she brought me back to reality about my true feelings. im still trapped in his shadows. his ghost still haunts me. and im unable to shake it off. REFLECT nana.

relaku menunggumu
seribu tahun lama lagi
tapi benarkah hidup
aku kan selama ini
biar berputar
ke arah selatan
ku tak putus harapan
sedia setia...

i guess moonlit kisses are fading and stars in heaven are falling. reality bites. god, why do these tears still fall wenn ive convinced myself that its over. no, it wasn convincing. i was actually just consoling my pathetic soul. and all those flings, it was merely FLINGS. the truth is, he locked my heart, and threw the key away. im unable to unshackle my feelings. ' wenn i fall in love, it will be forever.' HAH. nana, you're an asshole. what you wish, is what you get. and i NEVER want him to know this. NEVER.

' ' bangbang. he shot me down ' '